Wednesday, 1 April 2015

A New Mission

You know when you see a photograph of yourself and you stop and you think Wow. What happened to me? (No.  Not sharing. But thank you to my cousins who take pictures all the time... lol like I can talk.)

I am me, and I am learning to love that person.  And it is hard, because I have been body conscious my whole life, but I have never ever been this big.  However, I am in probably the best headspace I have been in quite some time and as a result I am feeling motivated and proactive.  My goals aren't like the ones I had as a teen, landing myself in hospital and having people sit outside the door if I went to the toilet.  You know.  Just in case.  I have absolutely zero desire to be 46kg ever again.  No my goals are more related to what I see.  What I wear.  I have a pair of size 14 jeans that I have had squirreled away in my wardrobe for the last 7 years, just waiting.  Because I do want to wear them again.  Although they are probably more teenager-jeans than pushing-30 mum type jeans.  But hey.  I loved those damn jeans.

In the last few weeks I've started to change my relationship with food.
I have also decided to get on top of my health.
This is something I need to do physically and mentally.

PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) and a problem with comfort eating, lazy cooking (or not cooking) and 3 kids later... I am not in a good place.

I am tired, I am unhealthy.
I am not the best me that I can be.
My kids deserve more.
I deserve more.

Ty recently went on a juicing diet and lost approx 23kg.  I don't like juice, this wasn't an option for me, however I do notice his energy, his mood, the way he sees himself has changed.  I need that.  I am really proud of him.  It took willpower and motivation to sit at a table day in and day out whilst the rest of the family ate meals that he loved.  I refused to change our cooking to suit a juice diet, as obviously it is entirely unsuitable for a family.  But I do applaud him for the effort and the results.  He is looking fantastic.  And he has given me the motivation that I needed.  Because I really hate being that fat girl walking beside that trim guy!

I have made my start.
I cut out caffeinated soft drink 3 weeks ago.
I dramatically cut out soft drink (now when I'm out only.  I don't want it here!)
I've started walking.
I'm getting back in to Aqua Aerobics (when I can)
I am have started taking 1000mg of metformin a day (I am insulin resistant due to PCOS)
We are moving from a rather average diet, to a paleo diet.
I'm cutting out gluten, dairy, sugar.  (Well, trying!)
I'm trying new recipes and foods I wouldn't normally go for.
I'm trying.

The key here is I want to change.
I don't want to look in the mirror and see what I see now anymore.
I'm not sure how much I will document here.  But I need to write it down to be accountable, as a starting point.  I've only recently come clean to Tyron as to my weight, admitting what number was on the scale.  That was hard.  But it was a step towards something better.  What's the point in hiding it.  He's not blind.

My name is Gina.
I am a mother of 3.
I am 167cm tall and I weight 107kg.
I am wearing Size 18-20 and I hate it.
And I am going to be open, and accountable.